Over this last week I have come to realize how much my thoughts affect my choices. I feel like I'm playing mind games with myself. You should hear some of the conversations that go on inside of my head...it would probably sound something like, "Oooh, that smells good and I'm hungry. Wait, no I can't eat that because it has gluten. But it smells good and I'm tired and I don't want to make dinner tonight. I know, but it's not good for me right now and I need to say no. But I'm so hungry and tired and it's right there. NO, walk away!" (This might be why I get tired so much, my brain wears me out. ;-) )
I decided to go gluten, dairy, and caffeine free for 10-15 days and today marks day 8 (working on seeing how those things affect my body and how they make me feel). The first day I was fine, but man, that second and third day really was hard. I don't know how many times I just wanted to go to Starbucks or just get whatever sounded good. The great thing was I had surprising strength in refusing to give in to the cravings or desires. Well, if I'm honest I don't think that strength came from me but from Christ. On my own, I have a hard time saying "no" to what I want, even if I know it's not good for me.
It's amazing how much I want things now or to feel good now. We live in an age of instant gratification. No wonder so many people have such a hard time with patience and saying "no". If you have been watching TV lately, there is a new show that started last night called "Rising Star". Their commercials even use the phrase "instant gratification" and talk about how we want things right away (but not in the context of saying we should learn to slow down and wait, but saying this show will give that to the viewers).
Granted, I'm not the best model for saying no and waiting, but I'd like it to be something I become better at but I can only do it through Christ's strength because there is no way I can say no to the things I want for very long. Saying "no" isn't just for the food I want to eat but shouldn't, but it's also for what I spend my time on or even the things I choose to think about.
I think this can be harder for those who are single. When I get home, I don't have to think about feeding anyone but myself. If I don't want to clean I don't have to because who's going to see it? I can watch whatever I want or do whatever I want without having to worry about anyone else. I'm the only one holding myself accountable, or so I tend to think.
The thing is though, God is also holding me accountable for my thoughts, words and actions. Does this mean I don't ever do something or think something I shouldn't? Unfortunately, no. Which is why I am so thankful for God's mercy and grace because I am a messed up human being. That does not excuse me from working on making better choices, filtering my thoughts and watching what I say. I am the only one responsible for what I do, say and think and I will probably have to continually work on this.
The good news is though, that even though I mess up and continually have to work on myself, that doesn't change the fact that I am loved by the One who created me and He continues to accept me and love me despite my flows. Oh the wonders of God seeing me through Christ's righteousness and not having to earn my salvation.
Anyway, these are just some of the things I've been thinking over this last week with some of the changes I have been making. Am I perfect and will I get it all right? No, but as someone so greatly put it, "it's about progress, not perfection". This will be an ongoing journey for me, and hopefully it will bring me closer to my Savior and help me become a healthier person - mind, body and soul.
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