Learning to Accept Myself through Christ's Love for Me

In the last few months I have spent some time thinking about turning 30. Well, if I'm honest with myself it was more like freaking out. In less than a month I will be turning 29. You're probably thinking what does this have to do with turning 30...I'm getting there. In realizing that I will be 29 this year means I am only one year away from the big 30 and due to the freaking out I starting thinking more about why it was freaking me out.

This was my epiphany.

I'm not happy with how I have spent the last 9 years of my life. Yes, I've had a lot of great experiences and done a lot of things, but what most people don't know about me is that I spent those years worrying about and missing out on opportunities because of my weight and how I view myself.

If you have every watched Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, when Chris first meets with his client he has them do their first weigh in with taking their shirt off (yes, guys and girls) because they are no longer hiding their struggles but are facing them head on. The idea that it's hard to keep a secret if you bare all and that can be the best form of accountability (hence why people are more successful with goals when they have friends/family supporting them or doing it with them).

This is my bare all...my confession so to speak. I have struggled with my self-image/esteem since I was little and I've worked hard at hiding it. I could come up with all kinds of reasons behind it, but I'm not going to do that because in the end, it really comes down to is do I really believe that God loves me (warts and all)? I want to say yes, but really I have become too focused on worrying about looking and acting how I think the world says I should.

I just finished reading The Daniel Plan by Pastor Rick Warren, Dr. Amen and Dr. Hyman and there was a truth in there that I never thought or realized and I can't stop thinking about it...I am responsible for what God has given me, including my mind and body. So it comes down to this, am I taking the best care of my mind and body so that I am ready and able to do what God calls me to do or is the lack of care preventing me from doing what God has called me to do?

I'm tired of living with regrets and not loving myself and how God created me to be (imperfections and all). I'm tired of worrying what other people think or how they see me. My focus should be on Christ and not the world, and sadly I have failed at this.

So, all this is to say I am at a point in my life where I am ready to make a life long change, a life-style change.

This is my own personal journey and I'm not asking you to do what I am doing. What I would appreciate is for anyone who reads this blog to keep me in your prayers and to encourage/support me as I work at getting rid of bad habits and replacing them with healthy habits (specifically around food, fitness, focus and faith). My hope is that I will continue to have the courage to be real and sometime vulnerable in order to really make the changes I hope to make. God can do amazing things, and I know I can't do this on my own and my hope and prayer is that this will draw me closer in my relationship with Him and in turn be a better role model for the youth I work with now and in the future.