Lessons in transitions, waiting, patience, and God's timing...

Life never goes the way I expect it to go. You would think by now I would catch on to the fact that God's plans don't always line up with my plans. Actually, it's the other way around...my plans don't always line up with God's plans.

There have been times in the last three months where I have questioned my decision to move from Nebraska to Oregon. Nothing is going the way I thought it would go. I don't have a job, I just bought a car, and I have bills coming up that will take most of the money I have left. So it would make sense I would question whether moving home was a good idea. If I didn't move home then I would still have a job and then I could save up more money before moving home. But in these moments I catch myself. Yes, life would be a lot easier if I had stayed in Nebraska, but I honestly and truly believe God wants me where I am now. In those moments of doubt, I hear a small voice reminding me that life with God isn't always easy and He is asking me to trust Him to provide for me. I wish I could say it's easy, but it's not. Over the last three months of being home I have gone up and down on an emotional rollarcoaster, and wondering what it is God wants me to do. There are days where I have so many different thoughts going on in my head that I can't concentrate on anything else, and then there are days where I feel my life is pointless and boring. Sometimes I feel being home is harder then being away from home. In all this, I believe God is working on me and in me. He's pointing out things I need to work on and things that need to change in my heart. He is showing me what it means to wait on Him and His timing, and what it means to have patience with the process. I'm not saying I have it all down and I'm doing great. I'm saying that I am a work in progress and I know God is using this time in my life to mold me even more than He already has.

I am learning how much of my heart hurts for those who do not know Him, and how many different things I would like to do but don't know where to begin. I am realizing more and more how much I love my Savior Jesus Christ, and want to live a life that reflects Him. Being a Christian is about living a Christ-centered life. It's not about looking good or about having the appearance of being a "good Christian". It's about accepting people for who they are in that moment...warts and all. It's about reaching out to the lost and the hurting...including the hurting in the body of Christ. I am learning that being a Christian is so much more than just accepting Christ into my life, and that God is so much more then I thought. My purpose here on earth is to bring glory to the Creator of the universe, and not to live a life of pleasing myself (and I am still a work in progress in this area). God has been showing me so many things about Himself that I am just in awe of Him.

I am writing all of this because I want to be real with you, and hopefully encourage you. I still mess up, and God is continually working and molding me. I am struggling with a lot of things right now, but I know God is in it all and He will provide for me. I am so thankful to have such a mighty, wonderful, merciful God looking out for me and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for me.

Are You Ready?

I was thinking back to when I was looking at working in Nebraska, and I remember what started the search for a new job in the first place. During the summer, my mom and I had several conversations about the end times. Throughout those conversations I kept feeling panicked when I would think about the possibility of Christ coming back anytime. After a while I figured out why I felt that way...because I did not feel ready. At the time I had a friend living in Mexico at an orphanage and I got to thinking that if Christ came back the next day that she would be in the middle of what God wanted her to do...loving kids and showing them who Christ is. I wanted that. I realized that if Christ came back then, I didn't feel I was in a place where I could say I did all I could for the cause of Christ. So, that prompted me to start looking for a new job which would be what I wanted to do and felt God had given me a passion for. And in that search I came across Grace Children's Home.

As I have said so many times before, I know this is exactly where God wanted me to be for the past couple years. I can honestly say I am more prepared and ready now for the return of Christ then I was two years ago. In the process of thinking about all of this, I am challenging myself and I hope to challenge whoever reads this to be continually living your life in such a way that shows you are ready for the return of Christ. Let me explain a little bit. I've been thinking about how so few Christians are living their lives with the end in mind. My purpose here on this earth is to bring glory to God. How am I doing that at home? or at work? or in my community? or in Church? or in every single aspect of my life? Am I so completely saturated the Holy Spirit that every part of my life reflects Christ and brings glory to God? If you knew Christ was coming back tomorrow or even tonight what would He say to you about the way you are living your life? Would He say "Well done my good and faithful servant" or would He ask "why did you waste your life"?

This is something I struggle with a lot, but through the last couple years I have been learning and growing and realizing that my life is pointless unless Christ is the center. I am getting ready to make the transition of moving back to Oregon, and with that comes a lot of unknowns. However, I do know that whatever happens I want to make sure it is bringing glory to God furthering the cause of Christ. I am not perfect, by no means, but I don't want to waste any more of my life and I want to be ready for the return of Christ. The next time I have a conversation I want to feel peace about the possibility of Christ's return because I know Christ is working through me and around me.

So....are you ready?

When One Chapter Closes...Another One Begins

After working at Grace Children's Home for over two years, it is time to move on. My time in Nebraska has been filled with much growth, great experiences, good memories, and some hard times. I would not want to trade my time here for anything because I know that I followed where God was leading me. For now I feel God is leading back home. I'm not exactly sure what He wants me to do or has in store for me, but I trust Him to take care of me. Thank you for supporting me through prayers and words of encouragement. I can't wait for my next adventure and I'll make sure to let you know what it is. :-)

His plans, not mine...

Time is flying by. School started in August for the girls. Labor day weekend, a friend/coworker got married in Wisconsin. Another coworder and I were able to take a road trip to go to her wedding. We had an amazing time, especially when we were able to go to Lake Michigan and be on a sandy beach with a body of water! :-) This week is homecoming week and the girls get to dress up for a different theme every day. Today was decade day...the seniors dress in 80's fashion, the junior's dress in 70's fashion, the sophmores dress in 60's fashion, and the freshman dress in 50's fashion. The girls are having fun creating costumes for each day. Next week a friend of mine from Oregon will be visiting and we are planning on traveling down to St. Louis for a few days.

Currently there are 7 girls living in the cottage that I work at. It can get pretty crazy with 7 teenage girls. I've discovered I prefer having 5 or less in the house because I feel I can give them the attention they need.

In a week I will have been in Nebraska for 2 years. I can't believe it has been that long already. I am getting to a place where I am ready to move on to the next thing God has for me...I'm still figuring out what that is though. Right now I am thinking about finishing school. Being here has helped me figure out the direction I would like to go in life, and hopefully where God is leading me. As some of you know, my grandma/dad/and grandpa have all had health issues this year and I am getting homesick. I am looking into the possibility of moving back to Oregon as my next step. When this will happen, I'm not sure. But please be praying for me as I look for the direction God wants me to go. God has done some amazing things in my life during my time in Nebraska, and I have learned and grown in so many ways. Thanks to everyone who has been an encouragement to me while I've been away from home. It's not easy living so far away from everyone I know, but I am so thankful I followed where God was leading me. He's not through with me yet, and I am looking forward to what else He has in store for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Love is in the air...

Last night I was on facebook and looking at some pictures a friend posted of a her cute little girl. I decided that I have really enjoyed looking at all the pictures so many of my friends and family have posted of their little ones. So many precious pictures and memories...I just can't help but smile when I see them.

And at the same time I feel a little envious. I wish I could post pictures and stories of my little ones, but God has decided that I am to stay single...for the time being. It was been hard watching so many friends get married and start families. I feel like I've been left behind. I want to fall in love with that special someone and have a family.

Then I realize I have already fallen in love with a very special Someone, and I'm continuing to fall in love with Him. No one can love me the way He does or take care of me like He does. He wants to be the most important person in my life, and only He can satisfy me. How easily I have been pulled into the illusion that only when I find my better half and have a family will I be content and happy. I have learned the only times I have truly been content is when I am in the center of God's will for me...when I am following Him and living for Him and living for the present and not always looking towards what is going to happen next.

It is so amazing to me that there is Someone who loves me unconditionally and in a way no one else will ever love me. Someday I hope to be a wife and mother, but for now I am content to be loved by the who created me and loving those He has placed in my life.

Focusing on Christ

It's interesting how much of Christianity has become about us. While doing my bible study it asked me why I thought "God is so keenly interested that His children be well connected and dynamically united?" (Experiencing Christ Within by Dwight Edwards). The study went on to say that people usually think of first "is that our unity will help strengthen and encourage one another toward greater godliness, we view community primarily as a laboratory for our Christian development." (E.C.W. by Dwight Edwards). As I read this it struck me how much we think Christianity is about us (and I'm including myself in this). When really, Christianity has less to do with me and everything to do with God. Don't get me wrong, I think unity does help with growth and encouragement, but that's just a little bit of it. "God sees our community primarily as an exhibition, not a laboratory. Our Spirit-drenched oneness is the most important way His spectacularness is displayed on earth." (E.C.W. by D.E.) That's what it's about - that is what our lives are all about...displaying God's spectacularness. My life, my faith is all about Him. How I live, think and breathe either gives glory to God or focuses on myself. The Christian life is all about learning and giving glory to God and to God alone. I need to stop focusing on how I am giving glory to God and if my life is pointing others to Christ. My life here on earth is short and momentary - I want every second to count and to bring glory to the One who created me. He is the Creator of the universe. He is Omniscent, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent. He is the only one who deserves the glory and honor for His spectacularness. I wonder what would happen if we as Christians focused more on Him and less on us? I think God's spectacularness would shine all the more brightly and He would be glorified. I think that is how it should be...what do you think?

Marks of the True Christian...Romans 12:9-21

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' To the contrary, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."