tough times and fun times

I can't believe it's July already. Time goes by so fast sometimes. There have been a lot of changes in the last month and a lot of challanges. I am now the primary careworker in the house I work at. This last shift was my first full shift with my new coworker. It was a very tough shift...because of the girls. However, Saturday was an amazing day. The first day in a long time that none of the girls got in trouble. Hopefully it won't be the last. :-) Yesterday I went water skiing again and finally got up. That was exciting for me. It took three different days to finally be able to get up, but I can water ski!

At the end of the summer we will be going on a 62 mile bike ride (31 miles each way) to a camp called Timberlake. We will spend three days there as a fun retreat before the kids go back to school. We also spend a lot of time swimming, working outside, and hanging out. It's important to keep them busy...it helps keep the problems at bay. :-)

I was able to go home for a visit this month. It was so nice to see family and friends again. But weird to say I was only visiting. The suprise party that I planned for my parents went very well. There were about 35 people there, and my parents were very surprised. They received $940 as an anniversary gift, and have already booked their vacation. Thank you to everyone who came and who gave money. They are very excited about going on a nice vacation. I think I'm more at peace about living in Nebraska for the time being. I continue to learn and be stretched, as well as struggle. It's hard to not let what the girls say to me when their mad get to me. But it's a good way to remind myself that who I am in Christ is more important. A couple months ago I met with a friend, and he reminded me that God doesn't need me to get something done. Some times I get so caught up in what I need to do or can do, that I think things won't happen if I don't do them. Forgetting that I am just a tool that God uses. I'm having to remind myself that it's not about me, but about God and the girls I work with.

Please keep praying for me and the staff and the kids. It's been a tough few months. Please pray that I will have the energy and compassion and understanding. Pray that Christ will become real and personal to these kids, and that they will see who Christ is through the staff. Thanks for your support and encouragment!

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,and all that is within me,bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul,and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity,who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord works righteousnessand justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious,slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide,nor will he keep his anger forever.

He does not deal with us according to our sins,nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth,so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

As a father shows compassion to his children,so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass;he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,and its place knows it no more.

But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenantand remember to do his commandments.

The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,and his kingdom rules over all.
Bless the Lord, O you his angels,you mighty ones who do his word,obeying the voice of his word!

Bless the Lord, all his hosts,his ministers, who do his will!

Bless the Lord, all his works,in all places of his dominion.Bless the Lord, O my soul!"

Psalm 103

Tears, Dreams, Fears, and Hope....

I'm not really sure where to begin. Things just don't happen the way you think they will.

As you all know, I came to Nebraska not long after my dad got out of the hospital. It has been a daily struggle for me to not be with my family with all that has been going on, but then that's how God tends to teach me the most. Family means a lot to me, and to not be there supporting them and helping them is very hard for me. God never said it would be easy to follow Him, and I am being reminded of that each and every day. I would like to share Psalm 25 (it's long).

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love, remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the LORD are steafast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For your name's sake, O LORD, pardon my guilt for it is great. Who is the man who fears the LORD? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes,and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you." (ESV)

God is faithful and He will never leave me. I am finding that every day I have to remind myself to turn to Him for strength and wisdom. I have been here for over six months and I am feeling very worn out mind, body, and soul. As I write this, my body is trying to get over bronchitis. This is the fourth time I have been sick in the last two months, and almost every time I have been on duty. I could use a long spiritual retreat as well as a physical one. However, I know that God is here with me and will help me as long as I am willing to turn to Him. There have been some very difficult days, and as I am getting ready for bed I realize that I didn't give it over to God. I haven't been covering myself, my coworkers, the kids, and this organization in prayer. For our battle is not against flesh and blood. I feel as though I have failed in that area, and God has been convicting me to spend more time with Him and turning to Him in those difficult times/circumstances. Why is that so hard to do?

I have also been struggling emotionally with some personal things. For those that don't know, I am adopted. I was adopted when I was six years old, though I lived with my adopted parents for the two years before that. I have an older half sister that was adopted by our biological grandparents. I always knew I had a sister growing up, and I knew that I would one day want to find her and reconnect. About a month ago, I wrote a letter to my bio grandparents telling them I would like to have contact with them and my sister. A week ago, I received a letter from my bio grandmother. She was very excited to hear from me and would like to stay in contact. As for my older sister, she told me that she is now twenty seven, married, and has three young children. I was so excited to hear this because it means I'm an aunt!!! Which has always been one of my dreams. Then came the bad news, they never told my sister she was adopted. She thinks she is my aunt...not my sister. I don't think I can tell you well enough in words how much this hurts me. I think the last time I cried that hard was when my dad wasn't doing well in the hospital. My bio grandmother also asked me not to say anything to my sister...I can still get in touch with her, but I can't tell her what relation I am to her. Please be praying for me. This journey is far from over. I still have to decide if and when I would want to get in touch with my sister, and if I want to get in touch with my bio mother again. This will be a very emotional and trying time. I'm glad I have gotten in touch with my bio grandmother, but it will be a long process to get to know her and possibly other family members. I know this is pretty personal, but I would like your prayers and this is part of who I am.

On my parents' blog I shared a song called "Praise You in the Storm". This song has been running through my head again. I want to share part of it with you because this is what I believe and know to be true.

"I was sure by know, God, You would have reached down, and wipped my tears away...stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say Amen, and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls, I hear You whisper through the rain, I am with you. And as Your mercy falls, I lift my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands. For You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand. You never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

My, how time does fly....

It has been almost 6 months since I moved out here. Craziness! Work has been somewhat stressful lately. This last shift was the first shift that has gone smooth in a long time. I am only working with three girls right now, but we will be getting some new girls soon. I think I'm getting sick for the third time in two months. I've had to work off and on during my three days off because one of the couples that works here had their baby Sunday night. I haven't been able to sleep in at all during my three days off. However, the extra work is good because I am going home for a visit in June for 9 days. Since I don't have vacation days yet, working extra is a way to cover those days I'll be gone.

A week ago I went to a two day conference in Omaha for an Adoption conference. It was very good, but somewhat emotional...which I wasn't expecting. Now my boss wants me to do a training on the stuff they talked about there. I'm not sure where to begin.

I got to experience my first tornado storm while I was in Omaha. That was crazy and exciting. There were a couple tornadoes that hit down in a couple towns right outside Omaha. It was so windy, with thunder and lightning and rain. the storm lasted about 1 1/2 hours in the evening.

The school year ends in about a month and a half. Then we start all our fun summer activities which includes water skiing. I'm looking forward to having some fun and getting some sun this summer. :-) I'm also looking forward to going home for a visit in June. Yay!

The last couple months has been hard for me. I've been really homesick, and as some of you know our family dog hurt herself and there was talk of putting her down. I've also been struggling with spending time in the Word daily, and just feeling quite alone. I'm doing pretty good now, but it is hard being away from family and friends. I wouldn't want to give up this experience for anything. I have been learning so much about myself and about working with teens. Thank you for supporting me and praying for me. I really appreciate it!

Wow, it has been a busy three weeks. I had a 10 day shift, and things are just crazy at the cottage right now. We got two new girls, and one of them is very high maintenance. I have never been so tired in mind, body, or spirit.

The Friday before Valentine's Day it snowed and school was canceled. So I had the girls all day. We did a lot of shoveling! One of my coworkers got a hold of a four wheeler and pulled a sled behind it and gave the kids rides....and I even got one. It was so much fun! Valentine's Day was fun for the girls and I. We played in the snow in the morning, and then they spent the afternoon doing their hair, nails, and getting dressed up. I spent the afternoon decorating upstairs and putting together a nice dinner for them. It turned out so well, and they said they had fun. We then watched "While You Where Sleeping" to end the night.

Please be praying for these girls. Some of them have little or no hope, and my coworker and I are continually trying to show them and teach them that there is hope and that God is good. Several of them have had a very rough life up till now. Pray that their hearts and minds will be open to God and His love for them. They are having a hard time understanding/dealing with God being loving and good when they've gone through so many hard/bad situations. Pray that my coworker and I will continue to love them and see them as God does. Pray that He will give us the wisdom to understand them and to know how to teach/deal with the situations that arise.

Please continue to pray for me. As many of you know, my dad is still having health issues, and it is hard being so far away. Pray that I will be at peace and continue to trust God with everything.

Well, I've had a fun and busy last few days. Thursday night my coworker, me, and our two girls had fun making fun videos and dressing up funky. Then Friday night the other girl's cottage came over and we played catchaphrase, made funnelcakes, and watched a movie. Then, Saturday night our cottage and the other girl's cottage got together and went bowling...and what made it even more fun is we dressed up as superheros. We all created our own superheros and created useless powers. I was Nature Girl and I could talk to trees. Yesterday we spent most of the day reading, which was really nice. Then this morning I got up at 5am to get ready to go to a Legislative Breakfast at the Capitol in Lincoln. There are several bills in the house right now that have to do with youth and families. This breakfast was a chance for those of us who work with youth and families to talk with the senators about these bills and how they could affect us. I met three different senators, and I also met some people that work with other group homes. There is also a Foster Youth Council and they had a few kids there to represent the council. It was a really cool experience. I'm really tired, but I'm glad I went.

Now I have two more days off, then I go back on duty. We get another new girl on wednesday so we will have a total of three girls in the cottage I work in.

I'm wanting to do a good bible study....and I could use some suggestions. If any of you know a good study please let me know. Thanks!

Please continue to pray for me, and that I'll be a Christ-like example to those around me. It's hard sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for your support and prayers! They mean a lot to me!

Well, my last shift was a bit crazy. My coworker took a vacation last week, so I had the opportunity to learn a lot. We got a new girl at our cottage on Wednesday, and then Friday night we discharged two girls...who were sisters. When a new kid comes they go on intake for a week or two, and that's when we have to keep a close eye on them and teach them how things run at Grace. Then with discharging kids, we have to make sure they take all of their stuff, all the paperwork is done, and all their meds are filled and go home with them. I was really tired by the time I went on my break. I've had a nice relaxing break, and am ready to go back on duty...and there are only two girls at the cottage right now. Should be a pretty easy week.
The weather here goes all over the place. We've had some really cold days, some snow, and some nice warmer days. We have wind about every other day.
I have been here for three months now. It's kind of crazy, because I feel like I haven't been here that long but at the same time feeling like I've been here longer. I have no regrets about coming out here, but I do miss everyone back home. God has definitly brought me far, and He is amazing and wonderful. Thank you for being supportive and praying for me. Please keep praying!

Psalm 66:1-12, 16-20

"Shout for joy to God, all the earth; sing the glory of his name, give to him glorious praise! Say to God, 'How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you. All the earth worships you and sings praises to you, they sing praises to your name.' Come and see what God has done; he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man. He turned the sea into dry land; they passed through the river on foot. There did we rejoice in him, who rules by his might forever, whose eyes keep watch on the nations--let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of his priase be heard, who has kept our sould among the living and has not let our feet slip. for you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul. I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me!"