Love is in the air...

Last night I was on facebook and looking at some pictures a friend posted of a her cute little girl. I decided that I have really enjoyed looking at all the pictures so many of my friends and family have posted of their little ones. So many precious pictures and memories...I just can't help but smile when I see them.

And at the same time I feel a little envious. I wish I could post pictures and stories of my little ones, but God has decided that I am to stay single...for the time being. It was been hard watching so many friends get married and start families. I feel like I've been left behind. I want to fall in love with that special someone and have a family.

Then I realize I have already fallen in love with a very special Someone, and I'm continuing to fall in love with Him. No one can love me the way He does or take care of me like He does. He wants to be the most important person in my life, and only He can satisfy me. How easily I have been pulled into the illusion that only when I find my better half and have a family will I be content and happy. I have learned the only times I have truly been content is when I am in the center of God's will for me...when I am following Him and living for Him and living for the present and not always looking towards what is going to happen next.

It is so amazing to me that there is Someone who loves me unconditionally and in a way no one else will ever love me. Someday I hope to be a wife and mother, but for now I am content to be loved by the who created me and loving those He has placed in my life.

Focusing on Christ

It's interesting how much of Christianity has become about us. While doing my bible study it asked me why I thought "God is so keenly interested that His children be well connected and dynamically united?" (Experiencing Christ Within by Dwight Edwards). The study went on to say that people usually think of first "is that our unity will help strengthen and encourage one another toward greater godliness, we view community primarily as a laboratory for our Christian development." (E.C.W. by Dwight Edwards). As I read this it struck me how much we think Christianity is about us (and I'm including myself in this). When really, Christianity has less to do with me and everything to do with God. Don't get me wrong, I think unity does help with growth and encouragement, but that's just a little bit of it. "God sees our community primarily as an exhibition, not a laboratory. Our Spirit-drenched oneness is the most important way His spectacularness is displayed on earth." (E.C.W. by D.E.) That's what it's about - that is what our lives are all about...displaying God's spectacularness. My life, my faith is all about Him. How I live, think and breathe either gives glory to God or focuses on myself. The Christian life is all about learning and giving glory to God and to God alone. I need to stop focusing on how I am giving glory to God and if my life is pointing others to Christ. My life here on earth is short and momentary - I want every second to count and to bring glory to the One who created me. He is the Creator of the universe. He is Omniscent, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent. He is the only one who deserves the glory and honor for His spectacularness. I wonder what would happen if we as Christians focused more on Him and less on us? I think God's spectacularness would shine all the more brightly and He would be glorified. I think that is how it should be...what do you think?

Marks of the True Christian...Romans 12:9-21

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' To the contrary, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

growing up...

I have been thinking about how much I have changed since graduating high school. So much has happened in my life. And now, more than ever before, I see God as the Author of it all! He definitely knows what He is doing, and I am so thankful for that.

I have been working on a bible study by Dwight Edwards called “Experiencing Christ Within”. This has been the most amazing study I have ever done. Instead of feeling obligated to do it, I want to do it. For those who know me well know that I’m really good at starting things but struggle with finishing them. Not so with this study! Why, you might ask, is this study so good? Glad you asked! J

This study talks about the Old and New Covenants and “Passionately embracing God’s provisions for supernatural living.” Before you get scared off by the word “supernatural”, please finish reading this. I don’t want you to miss out on Truth, which can sometimes be scary.

For anyone who reads my facebook, some of these quotes might sound familiar. Currently I am on week five of the study, and I have noticed that I have at least one favorite quote from each week and I would like to share those quotes with you now.

“He (God) never requires anything from us that He hasn’t already deposited within us.”

“God does not exist for us; we exist for Him.”

“To be transformed, our job is to ‘behold’-to continually contemplate-God’s glory, focusing our spiritual gaze not primarily on things like Christian duties or our unworthiness, but on God’s spectacularness.”

“I cannot by direct moral effort, give myself new motives. After the first few steps in the Christian life we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God.” -C.S. Lewis

“Drawing attention to God must be the central purpose behind all our actions.”

“Only after we lose all hope of attaining on our own what God requires will we stop relying on self and start passionately taking hold of what god has provided.”

So, what do you think? See any common themes between the quotes?

I do. God. Okay, I will elaborate. Only God can accomplish in me what I struggle to do on my own. God wants us to live a life that is holy and glorifies Him. I cannot do this, only He can. Hard thing to swallow, I know. I need to stop trying and start being. God has given me the tools and things necessary to live a holy, set a part life for Him. But I have to be willing to use them and let Him work through me. Easier said than done, but so worth it!

Right now I am reading and learning about who God really is, not who we make Him out to be or want Him to be. So many times we want to just see Him as a loving Father, which He is. But in the study the author points out that God’s “most foundational attribute is not love but holiness—the perfect holiness that is the source of His righteous wrath.” There is a reason we need to come before God with fear and awe. Also, as my mother so rightly put it, this is the reason why we pray in the name of Jesus. Because He is our advocate to a Holy and Righteous God. Think about the Old Testament and the Israelites. When they chose to go their own way, God was not happy with them because they were not bringing glory to His name. He would get angry with them and punish them with His righteous wrath. There are times when He restored the Israelites, not because they deserved it, but because it would bring glory to His name. If He punished the Israelites for not bringing glory to His name, then I need to seriously reconsider how I’m living my life and if it is bringing glory and honor to His name. Again, I am so thankful I have Christ to intercede on my behalf!

Hopefully this is all making sense. There is so much more I can talk about, but I will give my soap box a rest for now. J Hopefully this gives you a lot to think about and maybe even challenge you. My purpose on this earth is to live a life that is honoring and glorifying my Creator.

becoming the student instead of being the teacher...

Foolish person that I am, I started this job thinking I would have so much to teach and show these kids. I couldn't have been more wrong. Yes, to an extent I do teach and show the kids some things, but not as much as they have taught me. Fortunately for me, God knows me better than I know myself.

Take today for example. There is a girl in particular I wanted to spend a little one on one time. I had lost my patience several times and had been short with her. I wanted to show her I did care about her and to make amends. Which meant I needed to apologize to her. Easier said then done.

I needed to run an errand so I had her come with me. I started by asking how her day went and then we started talking about some things that had been going on at school. Eventually it came time for me to apologize. As much as I hate to admit this, I struggled. I struggled with the idea of admitting to one of the girls that I messed up. That even I, the adult, could make a mistake. Lord, forgive me. I have been so proud. So much so I almost didn't apologize to her. But I knew that would be a mistake. I knew that to make things right I needed to show her I could admit to when I was wrong and to move forward. Such a little thing, and yet it was so hard to do. I'm glad to say that we were able to end the night on a very good note.

Why, as Christians, is it so hard for us to admit when we are wrong? I know this isn't the only time I've struggled with admitting I was wrong. Why do we feel we need to have a facade of perfection? Living the life of a Christian means failing and learning and growing and becoming a better person in Christ. The only way we can ever be perfect is through Christ. We need to stop struggling with maintaining a mask of perfection and start living the life we are called to live...as beloved children of the King, who sees us as holy because of the sacrifice His Perfect Son made on the cross for us!

As I have said so many times before, my time here in Nebraska has been full of lessons. I have grown in ways I never imagined. God is slowly showing me His plan for my life. Please keep me in your prayers. My lessons and struggles are far from over, but I look forward to growing in my relationship with Christ. Please pray my ears and heart will be open to what God has in store for me next. I would like to finish school and possibly go back to school to become a therapist or counselor. But it's possible God has something else in mind. Pray I will have peace about what God has for me, and pray I will trust Him...no matter what.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all! I love saying that. This is one of the most wonderful times of year for me. I love having a time set aside to celebrate the birth of my Savior, and to enjoy the things I have. I love putting up lights and Christmas trees...it makes the atmosphere brighter and more cheerful. I love relaxing and enjoying time with family and friends. I know our world wants to take Christ out of Christmas, but I think to do that you would have to get rid of Christmas all together or Christmas would be pointless.

I am considering this my Christmas letter for the year. Since I am flying home for Christmas, I am trying to spend less money on other things and I decided not to send out a Christmas letter by mail but instead by blog.

For anyone who has been reading my blogs, you will remember that this past year or so has been full of ups and downs. When I came to Nebraska, my dad had just gotten out of the hospital after being very sick. It was my first time being that far away from family and friends, and I was starting a job I had no idea how to do. Since coming to Nebraska, I have had teenagers yell at me, call me names, swear at me, threaten me, and even hit me. I have had one girl run away, and two leave unsuccessfully. After working my first seven months with the same gal, I had to get use to working with someone new as well as learn the summer program and run a cottage full of teenage girls. In August, my cousin Willy passed away to be with his eternal Father, and I was able to go for his funeral and see family I had not been able to see in a long while. I have even started getting gray hairs...which has made me understand how parents start graying after they have children...I just thought they made that up. ;-) I have been stretched in ways I never imagined...and yet through it all I can say with a joyful heart that God is good! I have learned and grown in ways I wouldn't have had I stayed home, and I am starting to feel like I have more direction in my life. I am so thankful for this opportunity and that I listened and followed God's leading.

However, I believe that my time here will soon come to an end. I am trying to figure out what to do next. I have been thinking about finishing school and would like to continue working with youth, but maybe in a different way than a group home. Please keep me in your prayers as I try to figure out what God wants me to do next, and when it will be time for me to leave Nebraska. Thank you for supporting me through prayers, words of encouragement, phone calls, visits, and even money. You all have been a huge blessing in my life and I really appreciate everything! I hope and pray that this Christmas season will be filled with joy and many blessings for you and your families.

giving thanks with a greatful heart...

Lately, I have been thinking over the last year, and all that has happened. As I do this, I can't help but be thankful for so many things. I figured since Thanksgiving is coming up I would spend some time sharing the things I am thankful for. This will not be my entire list, but a highlight and they are not in any particular order.

I'm thankful for:

~my dad getting better

~having a supportive family

~a job I have learned from

~extended family...and the laptop they gave me and the prayers, encouragement, and money

~friends I can stay in touch with

~a phone so I can stay in touch with everyone back home

~all the letters/visits/phone calls I have received from family, friends, and church family

~planes...so I can go home for Christmas!

~a loving, gracious, merciful Savior

~my health

~having a chance to encourage, help, love, and share God with teens

I know for me, I tend to take things for granted after a while. Moving this far from home and reminded me how thankful I am for so many different things. Working with these teens has also made me realize that sometimes, I have a lot more to be thankful for than they do. I've grown up with a family that loves me and have some amazing friends. A lot of these youth don't have even that. Please keep them in your prayers as the holidays come up. This tends to be a really hard time for them. Some have families to go back to and some don't. I enjoy trying to make the holidays a special time for the youth who have no family to celebrate with. For Thanksgiving Day, everyone that is not on visits gets together to have dinner and hang out. This year we might even get to play Guitar Hero. ;-)

I hope and pray that anyone who reads this, has many things to be thankful for. It's so easy to let the hard/negative things take precedent, and we forget all that God has done for us. God is control, and He knows our needs before we know them. I'm so thankful He is the one in control and not me.

The youth are already into their second quarter of the school year. Most of them are doing very well in school, and there is usually one or two that struggle. I would ask that you would pray for one girl in particular...she has been refusing to go to her first two classes and has come up with every excuse not to go. She is failing a couple classes, and is having a lot of issues in the cottage. She has been the the system for a large amount of her life, and has a lot of things to deal with. Please pray that she will be placed where she will get the best care. A lot of these kids struggle with seeing God as good. With all the bad stuff they have had to deal with in their lives, they have a hard time understanding that God does love them and to trust Him. Please pray that seeds will be planted in their hearts and that someday they will understand and give their hearts and lives to God.

Thank you for your prayers. They are so appreciated and needed. Please don't stop praying!