Many have started recognizing the things or people they are thankful for each day of November, myself being one of them. It has been proven (I believe) that an attitude of gratitude can have a positive impact on our day.
In thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for I have been pondering a lot about the people in our world who do not have family, as well as, those who have been adopted.
As many know, I am adopted. I was adopted when I was six years old, but I started living with my adoptive parents when I was almost four years old. Unfortunately, the circumstances around the reason for my adoption are not pleasant. I would like to point out though, that my birth mother had to make a tough choice in giving up her biological children (I do not know who my birth father is so he has never been in the picture). The fact that she did it in hopes that it would give us a better chance at a good life is something I am thankful for. I can never truly understand what it took to make that decision or all the things she went through after we were taken, but I do thank her from the bottom of my heart for making that decision.
My adoptive parents were in their early thirties and had not been able to have their own children and decided to look into adoption. Little did they know how that decision would change their lives.
They received a call from a state worker asking them if they would be interested in taking in a new born baby (my younger brother) and a little girl. From what my parents told me, they made a decision in less than twenty-four hours, but they were not prepared to take care of two little ones. That is when their community of friends and family all pitched in to help make sure they had everything they needed from diapers and formula, to meals and clothes for a little girl. Knowing this has always touched me, to know that my parents had such supportive friends and family in a time when adoption wasn't a popular.
It took the courts two and a half years to finally allow my brother and I to be adopted. Finally the big day came. We all got dressed up, went to the county courthouse to make our family an official forever family. Close friends and family gathered around as the Judge asked me if I wanted to forever live with my parents and my brother. Of course my answer was yes. He than asked my brother the same question to which he answered a resounding "NO". It should be noted that he was two years old at the time and "no" was his favorite word. This has always added a bit of humor to our adoption story.
We celebrated becoming an official family by going to McDonalds (where else do you go with little kids?). Later that night we had more friends over to celebrate and I helped my mom decorate a cake. I even made up a song to the tune of "Happy Birthday" that I called "Celebration Happy". It was a happy day for all of us and we continue to celebrate that day every year. This year marked 23 years.
When I think about all this, it generally brings up happy memories. I am so thankful for my adoptive parents and all the extended family and friends that came with them.
Throughout the years, I remember talking to my parents about one day finding my birth mother and telling her I forgive her for what happened to me that led to me having to be adopted. And I truly meant this. I also wanted to someday find out how about her family and how they were doing. My parents asked me to wait till I was at least 18 to look for her.
I thought about reaching out off and on once I graduated high school, but it wasn't until I was in my early/mid - twenties that I finally decided to find my birth mother and her family. This eventually led to my first face to face visit with my birth mother and some of her family in about 24 years.
What I hope people will understand is that I have never in my life wanted to replace my adoptive parents. They are the ones who raised me and stayed by my side through thick and thin. And I have made a point of telling them how much I love them. This also goes for my adoptive extended family. My parents have been supportive of me and there for me through this whole experience, and I am so thankful they are willing to go through this experience with me.
My parents could probably speak better to what it is like to be adoptive parents and have to deal with their children learning about and meeting their biological family. I'm sure it isn't easy for them. I can only truly speak from the perspective of someone who has been adopted.
Since reaching out to my birth family, I have and continue to struggle and work through many feelings. I continue to struggle with anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion, numbness and even sometimes the sense of betrayal. However, in the midst of all of those more negative feelings I also feel gratitude and what I can only credit as a love that comes from God.
Before having met my birth mother and her family, it was much easier for me to compartmentalize my feelings and say yes, I was hurt but I could focus on forgiveness and gratitude. But once I met them face to face, it was like I was reminded that they are human too. They have made mistakes but that doesn't mean they couldn't have changed over the years. I'm sad to say, in a way I almost wished they were mean because I felt that would be easier to deal with what I was going through. But God, in his mercy and grace knew that I needed to be reminded that they are human beings in need of love and forgiveness just as much as I am.
Do I have everything figured out...no, not at all. But slowly and surely God has been working in and on my heart and working on healing the wounds and scars that are a part of my life. Can I sincerely say right now that I forgive my birth mother and her family...no, but I am getting there. It has been good for me to be able to be around them, getting to know them and getting to see the good to balance out what I know from my past. I am thankful for my time with them, especially with getting to know my biological maternal grandmother before she passed away in September.
I still have a ways to go. My hope is that this is encouraging for others who have gone through something similar or for those who have adopted or wanting to adopt to understand that it won't be easy. However, no kid or teenager should go with out a forever family and I believe it is worth the work. There is no cookie cutter way to deal with any of this. But with the love, care and support of family and friends and the grace, mercy and love of Christ, it is doable.
Adoption isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean you can't be a support for someone else who either wants to adopt, has adopted or has been adopted.
Without God and my adoptive parents, I would not be where I am or who I am today. This is why I am thankful for adoption and for having a time each year that reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for.
