Light-bulb Moments

Recently I started reading a book called The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns (President of World Vision). While I was reading it today at Starbucks I came across a section that just fits where I am at right now. I feel like if I was in a cartoon you would have seen a lightbulb appear above my head. I'd like to share it with you.

In this passage, Richard is talking about a time when he was unemployed.

" I understood more clearly that God's daily provision of manna (referring to the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years)-bread that literally fell from heaven-was a forty-year lesson to His people that they were totally and completely dependent on Him for their very lives. They were helpless in the wilderness without God's constant care, and I was learning the hard way that I was too. When you are unemployed, you feel helpless. You can't just go get a job; someone has to offer you one. For a former CEO, this powerlessness was excruciating, but it drove home the message that all we are and all we have come from God's hand.
No matter where I was or what my circumstances were, I was made to love, serve, and obey God. I could do all three whether unemployed or as a CEO-my situation didn't matter. When I was eventually offered a job, I took that lesson with me and began each day asking, how can I love, serve, and obey God today, in this place with these people?"

I have totally been in that place where I have felt helpless...and at times a failure because I couldn't get a job. When I moved back from Nebraska in February I expected it to take a month or two to get a job, but never 5 months. I have spent time worrying what tomorrow would bring and how I would be able to pay for my bills, gas, etc. Even in my worry and doubt God has been faithful to me in some amazing ways. For the last couple months I wasn't sure how I would pay my phone bill and other bills as well as gas for my car, but God being the All-Knowing One that He is knew what I needed. At just the right time He provided me with several odd jobs and even an unexpected check in the mail. I would like to thank everyone who has been kind enough to "hire" me for odd jobs. I have been truely blessed by you and God for those opportunities! THANK YOU!!! He had other places say no to my applications because He knew that eventually I would get a yes from the place He wanted me to be at. Even though I won't have a full time job, I feel that I am finally beginning to understand how He watches over me and provides for me. He is the God of the Impossible! How could I doubt His provision in my life? There are times I feel like such a fool for doubting God and relying on myself to save me. But He continues to have patience with me.

A little later on in the book, Richard talks about the rich young man and how Jesus told him to sell everything and it to the poor and to come follow him. Then the author says this, "When we say that we want to be His disciple, yet attach a list of conditions, Jesus refuses to accept our terms. His terms involve unconditional surrender." At this point I had another lightbulb moment...I am poor. I haven't necessarily sold all my possessions to become poor, but I am. I am at a place in my life where I have nothing, and I have to totally rely on God for everything.( I would like to say, that I realized today that I am also very rich in blessings. I am blessed to have parents who were willing to let me live with them while I figure out what's next. I am blessed by family and friends who have supported me and encouraged me and prayed for me over the last few months. I am blessed to have a car that works and I could afford. I am blessed to have grandparents who have paid me for work projects when they don't have to. I am blessed to be able to get back involved with different ministries in the church. I am blessed to be accepted at a great college so I can finish my degree.)

I've been feeling stuck in a rut for a while, and I feel like I've just been empowered to go change the world by following Jesus despite the fact that I have no money.This was also a reminder to me that I need to totally surrender everything to Christ because I want to follow Him in everything I do. My life is meant to "love, serve, and obey God" and that is what I need to be doing. God has given me my passions for a reason and He's waiting to see what I will do with them. I am sad to say that I have made a lot of lame excuses for not doing things or following through with things because I thought it was too hard. Instead I should have been trusting God to remove those barriers and not being afraid of the tough stuff because I have the God of the Impossible on my side. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I realize I have been doubting God and His ability to provide for me for my every need. And He has patiently been proving to me over and over again that He is watching over me and has a plan for me. I guess it just took a couple "lightbulb" moments today to finally get it.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" Matt. 6:25-30 ESV

Lessons in transitions, waiting, patience, and God's timing...

Life never goes the way I expect it to go. You would think by now I would catch on to the fact that God's plans don't always line up with my plans. Actually, it's the other way around...my plans don't always line up with God's plans.

There have been times in the last three months where I have questioned my decision to move from Nebraska to Oregon. Nothing is going the way I thought it would go. I don't have a job, I just bought a car, and I have bills coming up that will take most of the money I have left. So it would make sense I would question whether moving home was a good idea. If I didn't move home then I would still have a job and then I could save up more money before moving home. But in these moments I catch myself. Yes, life would be a lot easier if I had stayed in Nebraska, but I honestly and truly believe God wants me where I am now. In those moments of doubt, I hear a small voice reminding me that life with God isn't always easy and He is asking me to trust Him to provide for me. I wish I could say it's easy, but it's not. Over the last three months of being home I have gone up and down on an emotional rollarcoaster, and wondering what it is God wants me to do. There are days where I have so many different thoughts going on in my head that I can't concentrate on anything else, and then there are days where I feel my life is pointless and boring. Sometimes I feel being home is harder then being away from home. In all this, I believe God is working on me and in me. He's pointing out things I need to work on and things that need to change in my heart. He is showing me what it means to wait on Him and His timing, and what it means to have patience with the process. I'm not saying I have it all down and I'm doing great. I'm saying that I am a work in progress and I know God is using this time in my life to mold me even more than He already has.

I am learning how much of my heart hurts for those who do not know Him, and how many different things I would like to do but don't know where to begin. I am realizing more and more how much I love my Savior Jesus Christ, and want to live a life that reflects Him. Being a Christian is about living a Christ-centered life. It's not about looking good or about having the appearance of being a "good Christian". It's about accepting people for who they are in that moment...warts and all. It's about reaching out to the lost and the hurting...including the hurting in the body of Christ. I am learning that being a Christian is so much more than just accepting Christ into my life, and that God is so much more then I thought. My purpose here on earth is to bring glory to the Creator of the universe, and not to live a life of pleasing myself (and I am still a work in progress in this area). God has been showing me so many things about Himself that I am just in awe of Him.

I am writing all of this because I want to be real with you, and hopefully encourage you. I still mess up, and God is continually working and molding me. I am struggling with a lot of things right now, but I know God is in it all and He will provide for me. I am so thankful to have such a mighty, wonderful, merciful God looking out for me and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for me.

Are You Ready?

I was thinking back to when I was looking at working in Nebraska, and I remember what started the search for a new job in the first place. During the summer, my mom and I had several conversations about the end times. Throughout those conversations I kept feeling panicked when I would think about the possibility of Christ coming back anytime. After a while I figured out why I felt that way...because I did not feel ready. At the time I had a friend living in Mexico at an orphanage and I got to thinking that if Christ came back the next day that she would be in the middle of what God wanted her to do...loving kids and showing them who Christ is. I wanted that. I realized that if Christ came back then, I didn't feel I was in a place where I could say I did all I could for the cause of Christ. So, that prompted me to start looking for a new job which would be what I wanted to do and felt God had given me a passion for. And in that search I came across Grace Children's Home.

As I have said so many times before, I know this is exactly where God wanted me to be for the past couple years. I can honestly say I am more prepared and ready now for the return of Christ then I was two years ago. In the process of thinking about all of this, I am challenging myself and I hope to challenge whoever reads this to be continually living your life in such a way that shows you are ready for the return of Christ. Let me explain a little bit. I've been thinking about how so few Christians are living their lives with the end in mind. My purpose here on this earth is to bring glory to God. How am I doing that at home? or at work? or in my community? or in Church? or in every single aspect of my life? Am I so completely saturated the Holy Spirit that every part of my life reflects Christ and brings glory to God? If you knew Christ was coming back tomorrow or even tonight what would He say to you about the way you are living your life? Would He say "Well done my good and faithful servant" or would He ask "why did you waste your life"?

This is something I struggle with a lot, but through the last couple years I have been learning and growing and realizing that my life is pointless unless Christ is the center. I am getting ready to make the transition of moving back to Oregon, and with that comes a lot of unknowns. However, I do know that whatever happens I want to make sure it is bringing glory to God furthering the cause of Christ. I am not perfect, by no means, but I don't want to waste any more of my life and I want to be ready for the return of Christ. The next time I have a conversation I want to feel peace about the possibility of Christ's return because I know Christ is working through me and around me.

So....are you ready?

When One Chapter Closes...Another One Begins

After working at Grace Children's Home for over two years, it is time to move on. My time in Nebraska has been filled with much growth, great experiences, good memories, and some hard times. I would not want to trade my time here for anything because I know that I followed where God was leading me. For now I feel God is leading back home. I'm not exactly sure what He wants me to do or has in store for me, but I trust Him to take care of me. Thank you for supporting me through prayers and words of encouragement. I can't wait for my next adventure and I'll make sure to let you know what it is. :-)