I'm not sure where to begin. I feel like I have a million thoughts going through my head at the same time. I am writing this after a long day of work. Somehow I have managed to turn into the "mean" staff over the last few months. I have the gift of being able to get the girls angry at me with just a few words. I was told (jokingly) I get a raise every time that happens...which is at least once a day....so I should be very rich by the end of the summer. ;-) I'm having a hard time seeing the possibility of things getting better any time soon. I'm becoming a more strict, tough person and I don't always like that, and there are times I don't think I can do it any more. As I've been thinking over the last couple months, I keep thinking of the verse that talks about God's strength being made perfect in my weakness. I am being reminded almost every day that I can't do it on my own. There are days when the girls say some really mean, nasty stuff to me and I have a hard time brushing it off. There are days when I don't think I'm fit for this job, and there are days when I feel like a huge failure. In each and every one of these situations I can choose to listen to the lies or choose to lean on my Father's strength and truth. Let me tell you, sometimes it seems like it would be easier to listen to the lies, but then Someone will remind me how much I'm loved and that no matter what He will always be there for me. This is a daily struggle for me, and I ask that you will continue to pray for me. This job is testing me in ways I never thought of, and I'm finding myself weary and overwhelmed. I have been asked to stay on another year. I haven't given an answer yet. I think I'm too chicken to give an anwer yet. I don't want to say yes now and change my mind later. But that's what faith is, saying yes without knowing the outcome. Please pray that I will be filled with peace, compassion, and love. Pray that I will seek the Lord each and every day, and to look to Him for my strength for each and every day. Pray that I will not feel too homesick, and that I will have peace about my family. I wrote my bio grandmother again, and received another letter from her. It wasn't quite emotional as the first letter, but it brings up a lot of questions and unknowns for me. I'm not sure when I should contact my bio mother or even my bio sister who doesn't know she's my sister. I don't know what they think about me being adopted and all that surrounded that part of my life. Please keep praying about this. This is really weird for me. I have a family, but now I'm trying to get to know my biological family and I don't know how close I want to get to them. I love my adoptive family so much, and I am not seeking to replace them. I guess I'm just looking for answers to questions I've had all my life, and the possibility of telling my bio mother that I forgive her, an
d maybe getting to know my older half sister. My mom has talked about life being like rollarcoaster, and that is exactly how my life feels right now. God is so amazing in His love for me, and for the sacrifice He made by sending His Son to take our place on the cross. I definitely would not be the person I am today without Him in my life. As I'm reminding myself of these truths, I hope this encourages you to remember how much stronger God is. Nothing is impossible for Him, and with His help we can do anything. Nothing in this world will love you or walk alongside you or help you the way our heavenly Father does.
I'm not sure where to begin. I feel like I have a million thoughts going through my head at the same time. I am writing this after a long day of work. Somehow I have managed to turn into the "mean" staff over the last few months. I have the gift of being able to get the girls angry at me with just a few words. I was told (jokingly) I get a raise every time that happens...which is at least once a day....so I should be very rich by the end of the summer. ;-) I'm having a hard time seeing the possibility of things getting better any time soon. I'm becoming a more strict, tough person and I don't always like that, and there are times I don't think I can do it any more. As I've been thinking over the last couple months, I keep thinking of the verse that talks about God's strength being made perfect in my weakness. I am being reminded almost every day that I can't do it on my own. There are days when the girls say some really mean, nasty stuff to me and I have a hard time brushing it off. There are days when I don't think I'm fit for this job, and there are days when I feel like a huge failure. In each and every one of these situations I can choose to listen to the lies or choose to lean on my Father's strength and truth. Let me tell you, sometimes it seems like it would be easier to listen to the lies, but then Someone will remind me how much I'm loved and that no matter what He will always be there for me. This is a daily struggle for me, and I ask that you will continue to pray for me. This job is testing me in ways I never thought of, and I'm finding myself weary and overwhelmed. I have been asked to stay on another year. I haven't given an answer yet. I think I'm too chicken to give an anwer yet. I don't want to say yes now and change my mind later. But that's what faith is, saying yes without knowing the outcome. Please pray that I will be filled with peace, compassion, and love. Pray that I will seek the Lord each and every day, and to look to Him for my strength for each and every day. Pray that I will not feel too homesick, and that I will have peace about my family. I wrote my bio grandmother again, and received another letter from her. It wasn't quite emotional as the first letter, but it brings up a lot of questions and unknowns for me. I'm not sure when I should contact my bio mother or even my bio sister who doesn't know she's my sister. I don't know what they think about me being adopted and all that surrounded that part of my life. Please keep praying about this. This is really weird for me. I have a family, but now I'm trying to get to know my biological family and I don't know how close I want to get to them. I love my adoptive family so much, and I am not seeking to replace them. I guess I'm just looking for answers to questions I've had all my life, and the possibility of telling my bio mother that I forgive her, an
d maybe getting to know my older half sister. My mom has talked about life being like rollarcoaster, and that is exactly how my life feels right now. God is so amazing in His love for me, and for the sacrifice He made by sending His Son to take our place on the cross. I definitely would not be the person I am today without Him in my life. As I'm reminding myself of these truths, I hope this encourages you to remember how much stronger God is. Nothing is impossible for Him, and with His help we can do anything. Nothing in this world will love you or walk alongside you or help you the way our heavenly Father does.